What Language Should You Teach Your Child First?

Why “Come Back” Matters More Than Counting to Ten

When people talk about raising children, especially in a bilingual home, the conversation usually starts in the same place:

Which language should we prioritise first?
English? Chinese? Both?

We started with OPOL: One Parent One Language.

But when the girls were still young we decided to stop splitting the languages and both speak Chinese.
Our twin girls were 19 months old and were beginning to get quite mobile.

Scott called the girls over and we started with:

Sit down
Stand up
Turn around
Come here

Why? Well firstly they couldn’t talk much but they could understand things AND he wanted to not just get them to understand Chinese but be able to get them to do things using the language.

Next it was:

Give this to your mum
Give this to your sister
Give me the nappies

Why? For two reasons. One to try and get the girls to share and not fight over things and Two to build on their ability to function and help. Now we have an extra two pairs of hands!

This was important because it was building what we needed as a family…
At the time, we had twins just turning two, and a third on the way.

Scott was planning for a hard recovery so already told the girls that when their little brother was born 妈妈 would be sore and they would have to be gentle with her and the baby. Also whenever possible he was planning to take them with him to give Yina space to recover.

So if we needed things from the shops, it was Scott and the twins together.
(the reality of taking twin toddlers to the shop is not a particularly smooth or easy experience)

But the goal was for us to be able to take them with us wherever we would go.

Lidl, a UK supermarket, has mini trolleys for kids. So they each had a small trolley.
If left to their own devices. They both ran. In different directions. Chaos.

This was one of our first environments for raising amphibians. Kids that were adapted to the environment. That could go on adventures with us.

Language training + basic directions + trust + adventure

“You get the strawberries.”
“You get the grapes.”
“Give this to your sister.”

Now there was direction to the chaos. And Language was the channel to build the tools, the skills they needed to function and be part of the journey.

It was something they were using to organise themselves in the world.

What it looked like

We often had to buy two of everything because they both wanted to help.
There was a lot of trolley traffic coordination.
And it took a little longer to do the shop than if Scott was just there himself.

But Scott wasn’t there just to get the shopping done, but to practise language and to practise navigating the world. In this case, the fruit section of Lidl part of the world.

Language was super important to concentrate their focus.
From spectator to participant. They can:

Respond
Help
Engage

What this means for bilingual families

This matters even more in a bilingual home.
Because the language your child responds to is the language that becomes real.

If all of this happens in English, then English becomes the language of action, direction, and participation.

Chinese risks becoming something else:

something they at best just understand
something they’re asked to repeat instead of use
something that doesn’t “work” in real life

When life is happening in Chinese

“come here”
“give it to me”
“you take this”

then it becomes how they operate in the world.

A different way to think about early language

Instead of asking: “What words should my child learn first?”

A better question is: “What language does my child need to function alongside us?“

Final thought

Children don’t learn language because they are taught it. They learn it because they need it.

So if you’re choosing where to start don’t start with words.
Start with developing tools in the language that will help you and help them navigate in the world.

If this resonates

We’ve put together a guide on the patterns that stop children speaking Chinese — and what to do instead:

👉 The 5 Patterns That Stop Children Learning Chinese

Hope you like it